I don't like what i wrote....but here it is..

It seems you never knew what you meant to me
Like your star is up there missing the scenery
Of when we used to talk and laugh
May be I never put it right
But define being special
What it would be more than to be unique
In your lover's heart

I was a star in your galaxy
And I revolved in your orbit's mystery
I was a single flower in your garden
And I thought you gonna pick me
And melt my thorns inside of me

So strange is the fate
Bring two worlds apart so near
And make it easy in a moment
And hard in a year
Pressure, irritation and fear
All together suddenly so clear

Special you are and always been
Even if u think I neva knew u within
But what I touched was beyond this
It's much more than sweetness
It's a musical serene
Of happiness I witnessed
In this life's hectic theme

Rose petals and honey u promised
But brutal thorns I felt
It's destiny's usual role
Wilt your dreams away
And guide you to another way

This world is so big
It's more than you and me
It's a life time chronicles
Of thousands of stories
That are born and aborted
If you forgot easily and moved on
It's okay
But what inside of me is mine
And am gonna deal with my pain

I wish I never met you
I wished to die before I witness that
I didn't want to be hurt and warned you from the start
But eventually what I was fearing was to last

Forever and ever till the future is my past…

Engy

Eid's hereee

Here we are last day fasting tomorrow, well today even lol...soo the Eid is here, kol sana wento tayebeen, cows and sheep everywhere now..yesterday they brought a cow and two sheep in the empty yard next to my house, lol Gosh u can't sleep from their voices, givin u eid spirit and hmmm "Smell" hehee, the worst part is they do so every Eid, and after i keep seeing them from my window, i see them slaughtered on the Eid day which is Okay as sooner or later they will be but it's hard to stop hearing tht sweet cow Mooing no more:( lol

May be more than 6 years ago the same yard was for our Doorman "elbawab" he was guarding it with our house and living in it, one of his daughters used to raise ducks and chicken there, and she used to sell them, n so since i was young i got used to ducks and roosters voices in my room lol which was a nice thing actually, also seeing them slaughtered is a real hard thing...

For some reason i feel that this yard is an animals grave yard or their battlefield in which they always loose , looool well call me crazy but as long as they resist then they are fighting for their lives lol
grrrrr it's driving me crazy a stupid siren in the street out there, dont know wt is it, but it makes me irritated oh ity shud stopppppppppp, i shud be hearing eid explosions and toys "feen ayam el bomb wel sawaree7'" hehhe...

Kids now are livin the digital world out loud, they don't enjoy simplicity lol, for God's sake ezay 3eed men 3'eer sawaree7'???? my Eids's memories are much and all really nice...used not to sleep at night the day before the eid ,looking at my new clothes and shoes lol , and waking up so early "eager to take money" which is the Eid's real joy hehhe..."note to self"*am gonna be rich tomorrow* yeaaayyyy lol...am gonna pay loadss of debts so am gonna b broke again in less than 2 weeks:(

but hey it's Eid we gonna have fun, so our plans are goin to pray me and my friends together like every year and then we might go have breakfast some where...Gad masalan hehhee.
gosh tht siren is driving me nutssss....niwayss...Dont forget to do everything good tomorrow sadaka, silat ra7em, just make someone happy .....everything u do counts so dont hesitate to okay......have fun everyone :)

will u even greet me baby....eid mubarak

My friend Sasa(Esraa) wrote this thought , i dont like the words,and if they were true, but God's here and i dont believe there's anything impossible...

i discovered she didn't write it, she extracted it from some site!! anyway it's still nice lol..

Sometimes we have to make a check point, where we review our relationships.
Some relations aren't supposed to go on, they last few days, months or even few years but finally, it isn't meant to last, it is not well based and so it can't survive.
It needs lot of courage to understand that, more courage to achieve the break and much more courage to maintain this decision.
It is hard to break a relationship, you always have fears; the fear that you might be wrong, the fear of loneliness, the fear of the other side reaction and the mysterious fear of the unknown future.
Yet it has to be done!!
We must at some point say enough and turn around, never look back again.

Missing my lullaby..

It's been 15 days since i've abandoned my blog, suffering from some depression, i had a real hard time and every time i check my blog i feel sorry for myself , sad and lonely some feelings i don't wanna endure..no more..enough pain , once a friend of mine asked me what's happiness? i said it's Merely a moment and i do believe so , it's merely a moment ...that passes so quickly before you know it...i've learnt lately to enjoy every single moment of happiness i pass, even if you discovered afterwards it wasn't true...just give urself..ur soul a chance to feel it and to enjoy it's taste...

Hard times got a bright side:) they show you people who really care and really love you, you discover who will be there for you , hold your hand , give you a hug and draw a smile on your face, you'll know how ur mum's smile and ur papa's hug can soothe your pains, and how your friends trials to pull you out of the bed you've been crying within it's covers for days is really beautiful...you'll also discover how chocolate can make you happy and thank you dad i've been having loaaadsss lol..

I've learnt from someone dear to me somethings, that'll keep them with me throughout my life and i wanna share them with everyone...
I've learnt how to enjoy early mornings and sun shine, when you can hear nothing but birds singing starting a new day, i've learnt with every problem to say "tomorrow is a new day" and a new start..i've learnt how having a nice walk can make me feel better, and how a "big hug" will make me smile again...i've learnt how to challenge myself and enjoy it...i've learnt be organized and do things that will make me feel better...i've learnt how seeing a little baby playing or a beautiful cat will make my day..,how looking at stars makes me smile...how giving is better than taking ..i've learnt that love is undefined and doesn't have rules.. it's the most spontaneous thing that will pass your life...

Well, I got somethings i do when am really down, try them they work sometimes;)

-Go to the hairdresser and have a new hair style, a new you will make you feel refreshed.
-A Bigg cup of coffee (cappuccino from Costa will do;) so tastyyy.
-Go out all by yourself, and go somewhere beautiful near the nile or a park, or by the sea , sometimes i feel the sea listens to me even if am not talking...
-Nothing is nicer than some chocolate and u can nibble on it and enjoyy it..such a pleasure u feel with chocolate mmm lovely lol..
-Hang out with your friends and don't apologize coz ur down, go and have fun...
-Make some pop-corn, invite your friends over and watch a nice movie...
-Have a nice walk while listening to cheerful songs...
-Listen to cheerful songs lol..on ur pc or in the car..
-Enjoy being around your family and enjoy your family gatherings...
-sleep listening to rain outside and let moon light fill your room...
-Write your thoughts and don't be shy to say what you feel..

That's all i remember , but walahy they do work sometimes..some of them are dad's advices the guy been suffering from dealing with his daughters depressions hehhe...thank u father:)

It's a beautiful time of the year now, It's a bunch of happy events together the new year, eid el adha, Christmas...it's cheering around and really nice...
We gotta enjoy those times ...i know exams are soon:( but that wont stop us from enjoying these events, so a cup of hot coco on ur desk and Fairouz's "Laylet Eid" on , and u get the spirit lol..

I'll be missing you..missing my lullaby and humming...Happy new year...Engy

Withdrawal symptoms

It's when you've been addicted to everything sweet and nice, every heavenly word and thought, every nice dream and hope, when u had slept on dreams of the past and illusions of the future, and then you're stabbed ,slapped and badly brutally hurt, deep profound wound, that's when you'll start suffering from" Withdrawal symptoms".

Days pass by ,and you're just watching them, you're existing but not living, tears are falling and flowing you can't stop them, no sleep touching your eyes, no eating is even required, you're shaking, not believing, you wish you're dreaming or may be it's suddenly April and the Fool's here?..
Every single part of your body hurts you, your soul is wounded , you breathe heavily and it's being cut with tearful sighs, you stay silent for hours ,wishing you'll hear that healing voice again, that might come and take your tears away as brutally pushing them to fall..

Every where you go, whatever you do , there's the memory, there's the hurt, there's the lost dream, the symptoms gets hard and ever harder, after you come back from you one year whole trip to a new world of passion ,love ,care, dreams, hopes, plans, when someone said once" am not being optimistic, am being realistic" and suddenly it seemed not that true...

"If u stabbed me with a knife in my heart I'll still say i love you while dying" , "I'll make you cry of happiness one day", "I'll walk to the end of the world to bring you a cup of water" , "am searching for a word more expressive than i love you", "am dedicating my life to you" ,"you're trapped ,you're not gonna go this easily" , "i want everything to be perfect" , "i love you so much that it hurts" , "am your dreams ,hopes and life" .......

"It takes more than love to be with someone", yes it takes dedication, devotions and sincerity, "time is the best healer" ....the End....

I Cry

You said goodbye I fell apart
I fell from all we had
To I never knew I needed you so bad
You need to let things go
I know, you told me so
I've been through hell To break the spell
Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling I once knew

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry Cause you're not here with me
I cry Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If you could see me now
You would know just how How hard I try
Not to wonder why
I wish I could believe in something new
Oh please somebody tell me it's not true
I'll never be over you

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling I once knew

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry Cause you're not here with me
I cry Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If I could have you back tomorrow
If I could lose the pain and sorrow
I would do just anything To make you see
You still love me

I cry silently I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry Cause you're not here with me
I cry Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

Westlife lyrics...dedicated to you...

Today was the Sexual harassment forum at the AUC, it took us soo long to reach the place where the forum will be held actually,i struggled much with my friend Hana(which obviously came to keep me company) she got bored before the discussion begins and left lol..
Well, it was a good discussion and debate, despite the existence of Hind el Hennawy as a moderator the girl is not that bad well in real life she seems nice however, there was a bunch oh really well spoken doctors and professors, the debate got really hot and women discussed freely wt happens in streets, moving from the social economic state of the harasser, victimizing women,the physcology of the harasser and so on, the debate included same sex harassing as well, especially happening to foreginers.

Of course such a discussion doesn't mean we're reaching solutions, but at least participating in such an event shows some rebel ,that women are saying "NO".
There was a comparison between sexual harassment codes in French,American and Egyptian law, and the problem mainly is not in the law itself as much as its application from the ministry of interior and especially the police ofcourse as we all no..

Got a real nice feeling when i spoke up in the forum(u can imagine public speaking terror that i got lol) talkin in that theatre infront of alot of people, but i pulled myself together, and i spoke all the frustration out of me, i felt really really really Good, the guy was talking about women considering any hint as harassment , so i just answered back spilling all i got from frustration loudly , that feeling is great!!

any way there will be something uploaded later isA, and a survey for girls to answer am exhausted now so tomorrow isA......

Sweet dreams, sweet memories

Going to bed early that night, i had nothing on my mind except having a nice calm sleep, i put myself in my loose pajamas and slipped into my bed, after my before bed tiring daily rituals.
Hugging my sweet teddy bear, and listening to my ipod, Beethoven symphony sonata pathetique a lovely piece that makes my mind clear and calm before starting a night sleep that never actually succeed:(
the window behind my bed was opened and light night cool air came in, brushing my face all night i buried my face in teddy's hug , trying to sleep i cudnt:(
some scenes of the past came to my head, really weired incidents from my sub-consciousness probably lol
Old school days, and high school rules, i remembered every trick we played on our poor teachers, remembering also those who left a mark in my life and those who left a hurt.
Being a clever student in English and Science i was those teacher's fav student, but i wasn't a calm nice student i was a naughty but nice one..
I used to share in tricks but never invent them hehe, school days also made me remember the rise of the best songs ever, when i used to buy smash hits and tops of the pops and read all about my fav singers, when westlife appeared backstreetboys where on top, spice girls my fav hhehe as a young girl i adored them really lol.
Being obsessed with songs and so on we decided we gonna make our own video clip, me and my friends hehe my sister held the video camera and we decided to make an Egyptian copy of spice girls and we did, dressed like them(baby,sporty,scary,posh,ginger) omg that was hilarious, we were about 16 or somthing may be 15 even, being a basketball player at the time i was sporty lol
I still got the disgraced video so funny but really innocent hehe...
I couldn't sleep remembering all those scenes, i rolled over and tried to change the sonata maybe Beethoven didn't want me to sleep that night, i tried Joe Dassin and my favourite l'ete indien..
I found myself remembering my family and every nice and sad memory we passed, how my cute grandparents still treat us like their small grandchildren, till now my grandma gets crisps,candies and chocolates ready before we go on Friday every week, and how disappointed she is sometimes in me lol, for my loud voice , my curly hair,and my eyeglasses sometimes ,which never suits a lady in her sweet cute opinion but grandma the world is so cruel hehe..
Well she got the right am her 1st grandchild ,she got alot of faith in me:) hope i never let her down..
I remembered summer time and how me and my sister used to play endlessly how i learnt my 1st swimming lesson with my father , how he used to trick me and keep goin away and make me swim more, and when i used to make big sand holes and castles and then take my bike for endless all night rides in the halls and corridors , and the smell of the sea and how i never cared for anything except my happiness and joy, when everything got a taste, from morning breakfast, to late night card games with our friends and the balcony and the sea view with the moon reflecting at night sending silver beams on the dark sands all night long...
Thought that it's still early i looked at the clock it was nearly dawn, i thought i gotta sleep omg it's getting late and all my early sleeping plans are ruined, i changed the music again and so i listened to "La vie en Rose" for Dalida, and suddenly i figured out that the only song sayin that life could be "Rose" is for a singer that committed suicide:S
So i said to myself sleeeeeeeeeeeep Engy , after a hard day in this city, struggling on every corner and street, now that everyone is sleeping the world can have some peace..Finally we all go to bed....sweet dreams..zzzzzZzz